Wednesday, December 29, 2010

the burning snowflakes

She smiled and he forgot everything else. That beguiling smile that had bewitched him the very first time he saw her remained entrenched in his mind ever since. He had his rules but he so very willingly broke them, the day he met her. He followed her ever since, all the while, telling himself that he shouldn’t follow anyone. The wind that blew her hair straight on his face now constantly reminded him of the barrenness that had crept in.

The night had been long and the day, even longer. His eyes had been open for as long as he could remember and mind, constantly working. He had been having these visions for as long as he could remember.

As things stood, he recognized himself. He was born with a fundamental flaw of moral conscientiousness coupled with a belief things go wrong only when one lets them go wrong. “Always ask questions”, someone had told him. He didn’t know when not to ask them. No one ever told him and he never learnt it. He had to find some way or the other to fix things and had to set everything right. He couldn’t bear to see things go wrong and had absolutely no control over his emotions.His best intentions somehow were construed to be intrusive and the more he tried, the worse things became.

His maturity vanished in face of the worst adversity he faced in his life. He was angry and didn’t know where to vent out his anger. He remembered someone telling him after his repeated failures at the GDs that he wasn’t aggressive enough. Somehow, He didn’t know where he had hidden his aggression for all these years. Faced with an emotional crisis, it came out in its worst form and wiped out all his calm demeanour and composure that had come to become a part of his normal existence.

But time has taught him the value of being practical, as everyone around him never fails to mention the same. He remembers some of his friends from his college days, whom he never failed to deride every moment, for whiling away their time in these ‘frivolous’ pursuits but, he himself fell victim to the same. a double whammy!!

Life has to be given a chance. Where it takes him and how fair it is going to turn out this time, that answer lies in the deepest throes of time itself. And finally , he has stopped trying to think about it..

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