Sunday, January 18, 2009


“How can you even consider marrying a woman who’s not a virgin?”, opined a friend of mine. A view, that is shared by an exceedingly large proportion of men with whom I’ve had a chance to interact on this matter. Even men who have had girlfriends and multiple female companions in their past, and probably even have a few more lined up in their future, invariably, shared the same opinion. Men, who never missed a chance to proclaim themselves as modern, would suddenly turn coy when asked whether or not would they consider marrying a woman who is not a virgin. Hardly an isolated opinion.
So, why is it that we Indian males, who never miss an opportunity to condemn the theocratic regimes of Islamic countries for suppressing women freedom and are far more quicker in aping, whatever we can, of the west and its culture, have such an obsession with an issue , which, incidentally, is hardly an issue in the west? Did somebody just happen to mention double standards? Naah!! ,we are just following our culture, tradition ,etc ,etc. So, what exactly is our culture .Probably, more of Victorian era than Indian. Probably, we even intend to deny Khajuraho, Kamasutra or the existence of Kamadeva in our Hindu mythology. Our hypocrisy reaches such obscene levels that we do not , even for a moment , desist from calling a women a whore and anointing her with such slanderous titles if she admits that she has had a relationship with someone else in past. Quite surprising, considering that most of us aren’t virgins by choice but virgins out of compulsion. The fact that we were unable to get a woman to our bed sounds so insulting to our bloated male ego that we prefer to hide behind a veil of chastity and proclaim ourselves as self appointed guardians of morality.
But, the roots of the problem lie somewhere else .As more and more women have started reaping the benefits of education and there has been a gradual rise in their social standing, somewhere down the line our male ego has been dented. Fed from our very childhood with visuals of man being the sole breadwinner of the family and woman, a symbol of love and devotion, living at the mercy of her husband/father, we refuse to believe that women can be our equals in intelligence, knowledge, power, and most importantly, sexual desires and preferences. Hardly surprising, that we have coined terms such as ‘marriage material’ and women who are high achievers just don’t fit the bill. Anyone who thinks that this is just a case with less educated men is probably indulging in wishful thinking. just as probably someone once said ‘men will be men’ and education has got nothing to do with his thinking or his libido.


dil_chata_hai said...

"a straight from heart from every true lover"; this guy has just did it for us when every1 was waiting.. a messiah--- kaminae tere ko kya padi hai apnae friends ke emotions ka copy-write protected blog banane ki,.... but sahi me yaar-- the discussion looks appealing and now iam pondering what lies ahead for you and me :) hope for the best..

shaiwal said...

d language is impeccable content is ok n d title is a bit less dan being worlds apart from d actual text...

keep writing

ujjawal said...

haa.....looks like a experienced comment...well...i agree to what u say....but just for a know-how when did dis tragedy took place in ur lyf....heehhe....

anywyas the posts r jst made me wonder hw much deep a person can think before coming up wid dese ideas...well someone lyk 'deo' can....definitely....cheers!!!!

Shriyaa said...

The history behind this behaviour doesn't just limit to religion or historical social beliefs; but, it goes far beyond to the Prehistoric age, when Man was the Hunter and Woman was the care taker.

Since men left for hunting and returned in a lesser number, there were more women in a clan than the number of men in it. Also, to procreate, balance in both sexes was needed. Thus, one man procreated with multiple women with the Ultimate motive of multiplying the clan.

The same picture continued during wars where men fought. (not with animals any more, but with other men!)

Having this past, men developed a tendency, a sort of attitude towards sex and towards women too. They started putting themselves upon the pedestrian when it came to talking about man in reference to sexual drive.

Now, the situation is a little different. More Males than Females. (at least in India) Every man wants his share of women... and its logically not possible that all of them get to be with virgin women.

So. that's about it all.

daredevil said...

This primeval tendency of men to treat women not as their equals but their subservient counterparts, more importantly, as objects of sexual satisfaction, is what that has led to the sorry state of affairs today.
Education,that should have enlightened human minds has failed in its purpose.The system aimed at granting degrees to people who are capable of mugging up mindless crap, can never even hope to achieve its basic purpose, that is, to turn man into a social being,to open up his mind so that he is able to live in a society that is governed by rules treating both sexes on an equal footing.Alas, as of now this just seems to be a utopian wish!

Shrey said...

its nice to enlighten dis topic..
its vry true..all about d content..
but , i can see dis psychology changin in comin 5-10 yrs..

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